I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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