just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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