I'm gonna have a badass scar
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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