this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
