AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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