Apparently you make a good broom.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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