At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
