my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize