im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
