So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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