I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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