I hate all girls vehemently.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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