I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
