Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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