when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
