I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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