Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
