I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
