I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize