I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
