So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
