Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
