If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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