I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
