he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
