Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
