Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
