He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
