Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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