from now on my penis is your penis
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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