seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
