you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
