I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
