Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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