too bad you live with your parents still
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize