So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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