You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
