And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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