I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize