anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
