So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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