I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
