I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
