Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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