the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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