I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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