I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
