Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
