he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
