Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
