i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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