I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
