Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
