Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
