I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize