i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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