I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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