I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
birth control should be required to get into college
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
