i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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