Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
