did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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