we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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