Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am available for nakedness
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
