I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize