Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
