he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
