If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
