Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
