so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
