sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize