Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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